A New Year's Resolution

A little more than six months ago, on January 1, 2010, I sat down in our living room with my journals from 2009.

I started at the first entry of the year 2009, paged through the whole year and read all I had written down. I would write down in my journal all the things I was thankful for that happened during that last year. It was both good and sad/uncomfortable memories I wrote down... Things I loved experiencing and learning and others I would not have chosen to go through, though in retrospect I was grateful for the lessons I learned through them and for how through those challenges I was able to grow...

Then, I started thinking about the year that was ahead and whose first day had only just begun...

2010.

What would this year hold for me? What would I learn? What would I see? In which moments would I love to stop or slow down time so I could keep them forever? Which situations would challenge me? What would stretch me and mold me and make me grow?

I had so many questions and expectations.

I wrote them all down and I dedicated the coming year to the Lord and put it in His hands. I wanted Him to lead me. I expected Him to reveal Himself to me like never before. I prayed I would grow in Him and be made more and more into His likeness.

I was full of hope and expectation. Full of excitement.

It is great to start into a new year like that! :)

...Suddenly, as I was sitting there lost in thought, I heard Him speak:

What if you don't buy any book this year?

Are you willing to offer this area of your life...to Me?

Would you give up time spent reading? Would you give up the right to buy books anytime you want? Are you willing to let Me decide which book you need, which book you should read and when you should read it?

How important am I really to you? How important is this relationship between Me and you really to you?

Are you willing not to buy any book this year?

My immediate answer was Yes, though I added, only through You.

I said yes because I knew the challenge came from Him and I trusted He wants my very best. I also knew the area of books was one I was holding on to too tightly... It was a challenge to my heart and I needed to surrender this to Him.

I love reading. I've always loved it. I love to sit on my comfy bed (or on a deckchair in our garden in the summer :)) on a free afternoon or evening to dive into another world, to be inspired, to be challenged, to... oh, I don't know how to describe it adequately... If I was writing in German this would be easier, maybe... (Though very often, if something is very personal and deep, I struggle to find the right words no matter the language (be it verbally or in written form - even in my journal!)... I'm sorry...)

I also love buying new books and making lists of books I'd love to read one day.

Anyway... ;) Just to make my point clear;

I LOVE READING. :)

And it's not that I read just any books I can get a hold of... Because I think I won't be able to read all the books I'd like to in my whole lifetime anyway, I only read books I really, REALLY want to read. And if I ever start reading one that turns out not to be that great and edifying I stop reading it. (...I used to not be able to do that no matter how bad the book was... Remembering that makes me realize I do keep taking steps forward after all... ;))

So my New Year's resolution (and it's been a looooong time since I last made one - I can't even remember if I ever did this!) was (and is):

I will not buy any book in 2010. (Excluded are books I need for school and books I buy as gifts for others.)

Along with this and the process I'm going through that I wrote about a couple entries ago (about letting go of bad habits), with the Lord's help I made some conscious decisions on how I wanted to change my reading habits. Months before I had started to realize how my reading habits had been a way of escaping reality. Whenever I felt bored or tired or restless or overwhelmed it wasn't long until I grabbed a book from my bookshelf, sat down in a quiet corner and started reading. This way I was able to forget about reality and escape the things I needed to face... I invested too much time, too much thought and too much money into books...

Though at first I had no clue how this would work (except that I knew the Lord was faithful), through this resolution I was even more excited about the new year ahead of me and I couldn't wait to see what it would bring.

At first it was really hard. There wasn't a single day (and during the first couple of weeks NOT even A SINGLE HOUR!!) that I didn't think of this "New Year's resolution" I had made... I was reminded of it over and over again and I was astonished at what a strong hold books and reading had been having on my life for years!! Wow...!! ...I was tempted when walking past a book store, I kept thinking of certain books I wanted to read or buy, I thought of the fact that I wasn't going to buy any book this year, and I PRAYED God would enable me to keep my resolution and teach me more about this life for Him.
But then, after a couple of weeks passed, it got easier and easier and I didn't think about it all the time anymore. I still needed to remind myself of my decision from time to time and I also still needed to make conscious decisions against buying a book, but it wasn't that hard anymore...

Now that the year is more than halfway over (what? already?!?) I can't believe how much my attitude has changed and how much I've lost the desire to read or to buy books... Not that I don't enjoy reading anymore, and not that I don't read any books anymore - it's just that this has lost its immediate importance in my life, and instead of obsessing over it I am more able to concentrate on the things that are really important.

So, after almost seven months of having resolved not to buy any book (except for textbooks and as gifts) I can attest to the fact that I haven't bought any book this year!!

And let me emphasize, I was able to do it ONLY THROUGH GOD.

It wasn't me - it was Him.

Praise Him!! :)

All pictures from bildreich.ch